As Busta Rhymes famously declared, It Ain’t Safe No More. Florida has always been a choose-your-own-adventure book incarnate, with (mis)adventure seemingly arising at every turn. You may recall that a full-scale reptilian invasion left Floridian streets in a state of disarray; it got so bad that the Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission declared open season on the loveable critters. And that they did. Unfortunately, Iguanas have been theorized–albeit by no credible studies whatsoever– to be grudgeholders. It was only a matter of time before they struck back.
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Warnings have been circulating advising locals to be on the lookout for tumbling Iguanas. It’s said that the warm-blooded Iguanas are left stunned by the chilly air, and those residing in trees are unable to remain conscious. Luckily, many survive the fall and ultimately regroup when the weather heats up. “This isn’t something we usually forecast, but don’t be surprised if you see Iguanas falling from the trees tonight as lows drop into the 30s and 40s,” warns Miami’s National Weather Service. Not only must Floridians contend with colder temperatures, but the additional threat of unexpected reptilian hail.
Despite no reported cases of Iguana-induced concussions having surfaced, the baffling phenomenon has left many puzzled. In essence, the mind games have worked, meeting gunfire with psychological warfare. Still, they did not start this. Should you cross paths with one of these incapacitated lizards, consider moving it out of harm’s way.